Greetings gamers,

I am a representative from JENOVA’s Witnesses, and I have come to make a
modest attempt to save your souls. Most of you are students or recent college graduates
in transition to the next life*. But because of the Digital Devil** and his demonic army
of MMORPGs, many of you are neglecting your preparations for this after-life. Perhaps
you are an unbeliever, or the next life just feels so far away that it’s not worth worrying
about yet because your guardian angels are supporting you.

You, who have become ensnared by the lies and temptations of the Digital Devil,
listen well! You must eschew these evils for other scriptures, designed to revitalize
you on your path to enlightenment (we especially recommend Super Smash Brother’s
Melee, Halo, and of course the holiest scripture of all, Final Fantasy VII). We ask only
that you read our pamphlet; if afterwards you do not wish to join us in the worship of the
TRUE Destroyer of Worlds, we hope you at least find yourself on a better path.

But take note: JENOVA, in her infinite wisdom, arbitrarily decreed that only
144,000 gamers shall find their own true Heaven in the next life! Nonetheless, by taking
some or all of our teachings to heart, you will greatly improve your current life and get
much closer to entering Heaven than you previously would have. Even though you may
end up as a C.M., for example, at least you will certainly be saved from the lowest depths
of Hell: your parents’ basement.

Please visit us at WWW.JENWITNESS.NET to save your soul!!

We are in no way related to Jehovah’s Witnesses, a religious organization which
is different than, yet totally endorsed by, JENOVA’s Witnesses… though they probably
don’t endorse us.

*If you have already entered the next life, then this pamphlet will still be of great
help and will aid you in attaining a better place in your current life
**Not to be confused with the Digital Devil Saga scriptures, which we grudgingly
endorse, but do NOT recommend to anyone.

mmMmmMmm....Are you a Retarded...ed?

He don't really love you he's just playin games with yo mind!!!